just a kiss

其實每個男孩，本來都是想做一個感情專一的好男人的。

其實每個男孩，本來看女孩子都是看臉而不是胸部的。 

其實每個男孩，本來都是不會講黃色笑話的。

其實每個男孩，本來都是渴望愛一個人直到永遠的。

只是，沒有任何女孩愛這樣的男孩，

她們覺得這樣的男孩太幼稚，太古板，沒有情趣。 

於是男孩開始改變，變成女孩喜歡的那種。 

嘴角掛著壞壞的笑。玩世不恭或者幽默。 

開始學會說甜言蜜語而不是心裡想說的話。 

開始學會假裝關心。 

學會給女孩送小飾物討好她。 

學會如何追求，如何把握愛情。 

或者看破紅塵，遊戲情場，成為女人很恨的那種男人。 

他們可以很容易俘獲女孩子的心。但是他們也會在黑的夜裡叼著煙流淚。 

心裡有愛的時候，沒有女孩。 

有了女孩，卻永遠沒有了愛的感覺。 

在聽到女人抱怨世上沒有一個好男人的時候， 

他們不會再去努力做個好男人，只是微笑著擦肩而過。

so what's new? xD

new hat! ^-^
 teehee. true to the title *points up*, this post's gonna be about all the new things in me life. :B

been doing some hardcore shopping lately. most of it through online, because i'm just too lazy to get my ass up to shop! yikess.
all the stuff i bought are quite cheap actually. but doesn't change the fact that i'm broke. and i seem to have more and more things that i want to buy. T.T how how?

 love this new belt. hahaha i don't know why i'm so bunga but i just like this kind of belt!

 eye mask! the better to sleep with :D

 oh, colorful pebbles for fishie from Jac!
i think my fish's pretty freaked out by the pebbles though, it keeps looking at them. LOL!
sohai

yay to my bag. bought it online. was kinda disappointed at first cause it's friggin SMALL! D:
but once i put that Hello Kitty thingy on, immediately I love it. HAHAHA <3
i still think it looks like a grocery bag though, but it stores a lot of stuff so i'm keeping it for now! til i have enough to buy another hahaahaa

x
on Thursday, Katty and I joined the big Chemical gang at the study area. i loved that feeling. it's like.. i feel so productive! we even connected another table and all of us worked hard with our laptops and papers scattered on the table.

at one point, everyone was busy on the phone and that made me imagine myself in an office. everyone buried under tonnes of work, but still happily working together.

i can't put that feeling into words. i just felt...  happy?
everyone was like, ughh we're gonna stay here until so late. but all that was in my head was -- excitement. i'm like this kid who went into the candy shop for the first time. haha i liked that feeling, so very much. *heart flutters*

okay. i shall stop now. still have two more assignments to submit. and let's not forget finals the week after. :/
busy busy.


x
and to a very dear friend of mine,
i can't say i know how you feel, what you're going through, and i sure as hell don't know the words  to make you feel better, to make you forget.
but do know, whenever you need a friend, someone to talk to, someone to just listen, i'm here.
oh, i can be your shopping buddy or eating buddy too, whichever pleases you. :))
*hugs*

Truth is... We hide because we want to be found... We walk away to see who follows... We cry to see who wipes away the tears... And we let our hearts be broken...to see who comes...and fixes them... 

to my beloved Bean Bean:

dear Bean Bean,

how are  you?

i really really miss you right now. i miss how fat you are, and how lazy you are to even exercise. once i put you in the portable wheel and made you run while i play the computer. you were so lazy, you stopped walking after awhile and just lay there, with this exhausted look on your face.

 i remember like it was just yesterday.

i remember the first time i had the courage to hold you in my hands. i was afraid you would bite. and you did. just lightly though. but after that you never bit me again.

i also remember that one time when you peed on my hand! it was a hilarious moment. haha but that made me love you even more.

i remember when it was just you, you alone in that big cage of yours. living like a king. everyday i would come and visit you, and pet you and just fondle with you. i love how fat you are. i love how lazy you are. i love the fact that you're both - fat and lazy. ♥

we used to bring you into the house all the time. there was one time where we brought you to the living room. you got excited at first and wandered around on the sofa. but then you got tired, and we took that opportunity to take pictures of you!

just look how innocent you are.

i've never loved anything as much as i loved you.

then one day, i decided to find you a partner. what a bad decision it was. we got you a wife, and together you made lovely children. but.. i hated your wife. she's evil.

when your babies were born, i noticed some scratches on your face. and one day, to my horror, i saw your wife attack you just because you lingered a little too near to the babies. you flew all the way to the other side of the cage. did you know how bad i felt? sigh.

and when those children of yours grew older, you grew older as well.
they started undermining you. you were the last one to get food whenever i came to fill the bowl.

and as you grew older and weaker, you just stayed in your house and seldom move about. i stayed and watch over late one night, and saw the others stealing your food. you were so weak, and they didn't even let you have ONE piece of food. i was furious. so i took a piece for you and threw it into your little house. one of the hamsters had the nerve to climb into your house and snatch it away from you.

so every time that other hamster climbed into your house, i pushed it away. but you were too weak to eat. and that hamster was too persistent and never gave up climbing. so in the end i had to give up too.. i didn't know what to do anymore. :(

i had to accept the fact that you're old now.. and that you're only an animal.. there was nothing i could do to stop it from stealing from you. so i left.
but do understand how bad i felt that i couldn't do anything about it.


then it was January 2010. i went on a trip to KL with my friends. of course i missed you! but alas, on the last few days of my trip, my brother messaged me saying that you might not make it.

that night, i prayed to God. i asked Him to give you time, at least wait until I reach Miri. at least let me see you one last time before you go.

but no.. you left before i could reach home. you left me without saying goodbye. i cried silently when i received the news. but i thank the Lord that you lived a good life, and died of old age.

i hope i was a good owner to you. because i really did love you with all my heart. i just can't love any other hamster as much as i loved you. so i guess that's what i want to say. no more hamsters. none of them can ever replace you. i miss you ♥

Love,
your owner. 

sfdlgkofi

 time for a change.

getting to know new people is risky. you might like them at first, but once you get to know them, slowly, you discover new things about them, and some of these things might not be something you'd like.

let me tell you this: there's not much people you can trust anymore. they'll tell you something, then right in front of you they're doing the total opposite of what they said. not gonna elaborate, but at least they have the decency of doing it right in my face? LMAO. pathetic. i'm the pathetic one, for believing and trusting that you people meant what you say just like how i mean every single word i say.

if you don't mean what you say, then don't say anything at all. if you want to say something to make me feel better, i rather you don't if it's gonna be lies.

i guess i'm just disappointed with the way things have turned out. i'm shocked beyond words. what you did hurt me, and i guess it's something you'll never understand. i miss my old friends. the ones who tell me things which are actually true. the ones who don't give me bullshits, just to 'make me feel better'. seriously. just cut the act. i very well know you don't give a damn about me, so just quit it.

it's best to depend on yourself, for who can you trust in this society filled with lies and selfish thoughts?

我等你

finally met up with HH on Saturday. the last time i saw him was during our Awhyo KL trip, which was January 2010! damn long ago. hehe.

all of us gathered at Al Fresco. full attendance yo! (only those in Miri though, not full gang D:)
nice laa meeting up like this. plus my parents were awayy so as the saying goes, "the mice went out to play" :D

 group photo! :3

me and kri showing off the ring and bracelet that we bought :D

HH!
he had a little too much and got drunk, i suppose? he started telling us things he wouldn't normally say. xDDD
it was fun la. so many truth poured out that night.

x
Thurs, went to McD for the PINK coke glass. Susan, Doris, Kri and I were supposed to go, who knew everyone ffk us. in the end, it was a romantic lunch. haha! :D

 after that, we went shopping!! woot woott~

NICE??? HAHAHAHAHA <3

ngo hou zhong yi <3

jac's ring and nails. also very nice weihhh T.T


final pic to end post, cause i'm lazy to continue blogging hahahaha

artistic photo taken by me yay \m/


x
how's life? you might ask.
how's studies? you better don't ask.

i'm failing and failing ughgh and i just can't bring myself to give a damn. i've lost my.. passion? whatever motivation i had in the past, it's gone. but i have to admit, i am scared. scared of the thought of failing my course. :S

today, someone told me i've changed... for the worse. i'm not how i used to be. i'm lazy now. i don't know why he felt the need to repeat himself over and over. i guess that's just how much he wanted me to know that i suck now? :(

I honestly thought this would get me off my knees, that this would be the slap i needed. and i would be in top shape, getting my head in the game, and just study my ass off or something. but no, the afternoon was wasted, my night was wasted. durhh. why am i like this?!

i.need.to.change.
whoever succeeds in changing me, well, let's just say your wish is my command.

laugh or die

but right now i just wanna die.
have you ever felt like you're in a battle, but you're not fighting. because you've lost your will and determination and whatever it is that kept you holding on in the first place.

life's hard. especially when you're a lazy bum like me. sigh.


x

on the other hand...

YOMAMA BIN SHOPPIN!

HAHAHA saw this pic on facebook. funniest shit ever. ;) 

psycho bitch

sometimes late at night, i go crazy and open hundreds and hundreds of blogshop links and just click til I find something to my liking. then i filter those items and narrow my choices down to the few 'affordable' ones. 

and when times get rough, i'll ask myself: "do I really need it? will I ever use it? it doesn't really go with my usual style."
you know, trying to convince myself that i shouldn't spend that money.

rofl. it's been days, scrolling and scrolling and sleeping at 4am. ughgh
i hope this feeling goes away. i hate it when i have that urge to shop. it's like i'm forcing myself to buy something so i can feel satisfied.

and i have to admit i'm sort of a 贪小便宜 person! when i see blogshops with promotions like "buy 4items FREE postage", my mind goes berserk. it's like all i think about is to save that postage fee. immediately i go through all, and i do mean all, the products in said shop trying to find 3 more items just so i can get free postage. and if i don't, somehow i'll lose interest and just drop that item from my want list altogether. rofl. why am i so funny? (not)

x

HH's visiting tomorrow! hopefully we'll have a fun weekend. *fingers crossed*
went shopping with Kri this afternoon, McD for lunch. not bad laaa. i want those shoes!! :3

P/s got me Real Madrid jersey from SPL. woohoooo \m/

i'm wearing it as you read this post. wahaha.
okayy maybe not. i'm wearing it as I type this post. :D

go ahead, judge me.

i think he's hot. lol

i know only few of you will agree, so just save it, okay? i don't need people telling me everything to my face. it's like you people are trying to piss me off.

"you have bad taste."
"i bet you can't do this bla bla"
"you don't even know anything about bla bla"
"i'm pretty sure you're just saying that to make yourself feel better blablabla"


i've had it. is your sole purpose of being my 'friend' to mock me? you say all these hurtful words, not knowing the damage it'll cost. you think it's easy for me? you don't even know me, what i'm going through. why i did this, why i did that. all you do is assume, and judge from what you think is going on.

not everything is a bed of roses, definitely not for me. how would you feel if someone treated you like how you're treating me? i can say so many hurtful things to you out of spite, just to make you have a peek of how you've made me felt in the past, but i won't. i'm not you and i'm just gonna keep those thoughts in my head, where i can drown in shame for even having such ugly thoughts.

i hope you're happy, you've successfully made me miserable. congratulations? hah. you deserve a pat in the back.



P/s,
i'm not talking to you until i receive an apology from you. and it better be sincere. 

friday the 13th! :o

no such luck. hehe

i think i've come to terms that this 'love' of mine will forever remain unrequited. but that's okay. no seriously, i'm okay with it. maybe it's just tonight, i'm okay tonight. but whatever feeling of sadness i will have in the future, it's okay too. i just need to toughen up, busy myself with school stuffs and i'll be.. okay.

this afternoon, i received an email that read "make a wish before reading this prayer and it will come true." naive as it seems, i actually believe in these kinds of emails, mainly because they're prayer emails. and i do believe that God grants wishes, if you ask for it, and if it's according to His will. however, i dare not wish for you. for i know.. it won't come true. ahah. and i wouldn't want to waste my wish on something impossible. "because try as you might; you can't make someone love you. Sometimes, you have to let go. That's when love hurts the most." (Eexin, 2011)


what was i thinking in the first place, having a crush on him. i don't even know him. teehee. so instead, i wished that i'd find happiness, learn to live my life happy and that i'd change myself, not be so lazy anymore. 

and tonight, i've found happiness. :) 

hypothetically speaking....

Harry: Hey! If you were a hot dog...and you were starving, would you eat yourself?  

Colin: What?  

Harry: I know I would! First, I'd smother myself with brown mustard and relish. I'd be so delicious!...So would you?  

Colin: I don't know.  

Harry: Don't jerk me around, Norm! It's a simple question! A baby could answer it! If you were a hot dog, and you were starving, would you eat yourself?   

Colin: [complying] I guess so.  

Harry: Oh, you made a wise choice, my friend! If you had said no, I would have bitten your ear off! I would have come at you like a tornado made of arms and teeth. And - and fingernails. 

[source]


posting this just because it cracks me up, and even more so because it bothers Terry. muahaha 

disappointed

every now and then i do something that makes me feel disappointed with myself. ughghg my posts have been so emo lately. that sucks. where's the happy-go-lucky melo??

i hate how things are turning out. i neglect my studies, and all of a sudden all these wants pop out of nowhere. i think i should just lock myself at home. i feel like such a disappointment. i hate that word. it pierces a hole through my heart every time i hear it. even more so when it's directed to me. you wouldn't understand. that pain i felt when i heard those words. you probably won't know that i feel guilty, very guilty. but i'm just thankful that i got away unscathed. i still remember the last time something like this happened. it was the scariest moment of my life, i swear. i've told no one about it. no one.

when's the end of the world? is it soon? i hope it is cause this world is seriously messed up.


and time, why does it pass so fast! can you slow down for me? i really need you to. i have all this mess in my head that i need to clear up so i can focus on my studies. i really need to start cramming those books. God knows how lazy i've been this sem. sigh. sigh sigh sigh.

when your good isn't good enough

hi everyone! with all the emo-filled previous posts, i decided to brighten up this blog with happier moments haha

so the past week have been pretty hectic for me. Jac and I played the entrance song for a wedding, we played Canon in D. spent the whole week practicing, thankfully not much mistakes during the real thing. and by 'not much' i mean not obvious. xD at night, we were invited to the bride and bridegroom's wedding dinner. :)

it was fun. love the band playing that night, and the bride is really prettyyyyy :3

oh and we went to sing k Tuesday night, after practice. Cassandra joined us too ;D
only bad part was i got busted when i got home. dang. hahaha

enough words, picture time!! :D

 angelssss hahahaha

 our Music Gang. :o

 Jac, Cass, me and Kenny.

 Cass!

the camera's not mine. but i don't mind someone buying one for me ;)

cause it always hurts the same.

letting go. it's the only way to be truly happy.

be it letting go of a grudge you've held onto for years, or finally leaving past feuds behind, and forgiving one another. or maybe, letting go of an unrequited love. only by letting go and moving on, then you will be granted happiness. too bad it ain't as easy as it sounds.

life's weird. we love the ones who ignore us, and ignore the ones that love us. ironic how we always fall for the one that don't feel the same, instead of the one who you can have a nice conversation with, laugh at each other and fool around.

oh dear heart, sometimes you are just, so, stupid. 

cloudy with a chance of meatballs

someone demanded that i update my blog. but i don't think that's fair since she never updates hers. *shakes head*

x

the past few days have been hectic, damn damn tired from standing the whole day. nice feeling though, making so many new friends. at first i didn't really like them, felt they were kinda annoying :s LOL! but after i got to know them, things turned out pretty great. we have fun laughing and fooling around. on our last day, the boss chia-ed us all Kokoberry and we sat on the sofas and chatted away. ahaha. but i think that's as far as it goes, ya know? like, if the road show were to continue on longer, i bet i would've found a few traits of them that i don't really like. maybe they're busybodies? or maybe they're just hypocrites. but for now, since i'm not working anymore, what i'll remember about them are the fun times we had. ahaha and i think that's good. :o

it's not easy to find friends anymore. friends whose bad habits you are well aware of, but still wish to have them in your life. friends who you see once in a while, and yet have lots to talk about. friends. they're important to fill up our empty days. and i'm glad i've found mine. :)