hello and goodbye

hi, i'm leaving this dump which I used to call my blog. I thought I'd have trouble departing with my online nick - "sototallymelo" but seems like it's not that hard to leave it all behind. (I thought that name was brilliant okay!)

anyways, find me at my new blog if you want to. hehe

http://melo-is-             .blogspot.com


get it get it? hahaha. good bye. so long, farewell. :) 

SMILE!

just done with Reaction Engineering midterm last night! feeling so so relieved. but it's not over! there's another Fluid finals tomorrow >:(

anyways, I've been thinking about things that happened. how I put the blame on you, but thinking back you did made an effort to try to talk to me but it was me who ignored it cause I was angry. :| i'm a really bad person gaahh. really hope i'll have the chance to make things right.

on the other hand, people really have to smile more. like this girl working in Student Services, she's very pretty. while walking in campus I made eye contact with her, and she smiled. I was a little shocked as she didn't strike me as a friendly kind of person, but that smile warmed my heart. that's what a smile does! It brightens your day.

unlike some other people in Curtin. I took the initiative of smiling and they just looked at me like i'm some kind of alien. FYI smiling doesn't mean I know you, it could just be a friendly smile from stranger to stranger what. why you all so uptight can't even accept my smile?? -.-

maybe i'll smile at you the next time our eyes lock. :) 

Hahaha

- Blogging from my phone now. Kinda lazy to switch on my computer to blog.. Haha -


I'm back from possibly one of the best parties of the year. I'm happy. This feeling of awesomeness is overwhelming. Though I might get scolded tomorrow for being out way past curfew!

Thing is, so much happened in one night. Like I said, the party. But on the other hand, there are some stuffs that kinda bummed me too. The cold reply? I know it's probably nothing. He wasn't in the mood anyways, but it just bothered me. Maybe I just expected too much. I expected you to treat me as someone you could share your troubles with. But sadly I am not.

Another thing.. The dreaded truth has finally been revealed. I saw it with my own eyes. You know what hurt me the most? The fact that you ignored me even after I told you to stop. Not even for me?

So that's why I'm sad. And that's why I'm happy. But the night ended well and here I am happy. Though I have to admit this feeling is kinda weird. It's like I can't contain this happiness but then part of me still feels sad. And another small part of me feels like I'm obliged to feel sad, or something. I'm definitely a weirdo. /.\

happy ?

it's like I finally came back to my senses. what is wrong with my blog it's so depressing! I can't find anything to write about except these sad thoughts that are probably made up by my brain because I let it. 

and there I was, looking at other people's blogs. they write about happy things, take gorgeous pictures of their outings, food, sights, things worth writing down and remembering. so that's when it strike me. why remember the bad, when there's so much good? twitter's the place to rant cause what you write in twitter won't be remembered. but your blog? that shit's stuck for life, unless you delete it :p 

with this new change in mind, I just realized I haven't been taking pictures for awhile now. haha. I used to be the one who brings her camera along and takes pics but now? nothing LOL! or maybe that's cause all my activities seem to revolve around saving the world. *cough* L4D *cough* HAHAHA!! 

anyways, choose happiness. everyone deserves to be happy. even me! :D 

3/4 of the Four Seasons. :)


wishing all mothers a very Happy Mother's Day.


:D 

i hate this part right here

hate.. that seems to be the word that circles my head most of the time nowadays. hate. hate hate hate hate hate. i hate this, I hate that, I hate him, I hate her. what is wrong with me?!

I never wanted to be like this. I never intended for this to happen. how did i let myself become so.. pathetic? one little thing goes wrong, then I go crazy and suddenly everything is wrong. everyone is wrong. little did I know I was the one who is wrong.

i don't know who i am anymore. looking in the mirror, i no longer recognize myself. all the thoughts i've had, anger i've directed at innocent people. i don't know why is everything going wrong. can something just turn out right for once?

just once. please let something good happen to me. i don't want to be the girl who feels sorry for herself, i've been feeling that way for way too long.

 “She was just some little girl who everyone stopped fighting for,” 

“Truth is a battle of perceptions. People only see what they’re prepared to confront. It’s not what you look at, it’s what you see.” 

let this end please

I knew this world isn't fair. but it just sucks being treated so badly, all because I'm not pretty enough?

I've never felt so much anger inside me, not just because of this incident, but many things added up together. I hate, I scream out profanities (when i'm alone in my car wtf) and I just think of things I can do to make them regret, to make them pay for the way they made me feel.

is my post scaring you? bet you never expected happy go lucky Melo to be so dark and gloomy. I guess happiness never did last after all. I know I shouldn't be bothered, but then again, why shouldn't I be bothered? it's rude and offensive and it hurts!! :(

all about hello kitty :D

bought this today! it's so adorable don't you think?? 

hmmmm i think my problem is that I always spend on small stuff, thus I can never save!! but I like cheap thrills sigh. 

how's everyone, everything? can't say i'm doing my best. lately I've been weird, being so happy then suddenly I stop and just feel sad. anyways, I can't help but feel how unfair this world is. I mean, everyone, and I do mean everyone, judges with what they see. if you're not pretty, then life pretty much sucks for you. (oh the irony) 

it's just fucking tiring and drives me insane cause I have no power over it. that's life? well sometimes it's just hard to live with. it's not like I don't want to be skinny and tall and look good in anything. if losing weight were that easy then I wouldn't still be fat. -_-

but at least i'm a happy fat ass. HAHA



P/s 

this is basically how my diet diary would look like:


Day 1
- today is the first day of my diet, must.not.eat.anything.fattening.

- damn it, i'm so hungry, can this lecturer just stop talking and let us go??

- okay calm down Melo. drink water, stop thinking about your stomach.

- omg did she hear that? did she hear my stomach growl?

- fuck I'm SOOOOOOO hungry!!!!

- maybe by the time class ends the hunger will be gone and I can save money AND diet?

- will this class EVER end?!?!

- omg is everyone keeping their things? THANK GOD THIS IS FINALLY OVER.

- *apparates to cafeteria*

downfall

so I've been looking at the vain photos I've taken in the past.. over the years, I feel a sense of joy whenever I look at self shots of myself from previous years. why? because I felt that I've grown just a little bit prettier than the year before. 

sadly, that's not really the case for me this year. not only am I told reminded that i'm not getting any younger, a friend pointed out that there are wrinkles(!!) at the side of my eyes and that has been bothering me ever since. *sigh

what other way to make myself feel better than to look at old photos and cry about how young I used to look... right? (bonus pic of how I look NOW at the end of this post) 

2009:

bad year. I used to have straight hair, and I was kinda dark at the time. hmm

 these are the only two decent photos I can allow myself to post.


2010:
year of the color contacts! had my pretty pink contacts on most of the time, plus I stayed indoors most of the time, thus the fairer skin. can I call this my golden year? buay paiseh HAHA

oh! I curled my hair this year too. hehe

 how did I manage to have such straight bangs?!

 omg look how big my eyes are/were whatever! LOL
 really like these two pics of myself. but obviously they're highly photoshopped :(

can I go with pretty? XD

omg all my pics back then were photoshopped. -_-
no wonder Terry kept mocking me. I never realized it til now!


2011:
this year, I stopped using colored contacts, mainly because when I wear them, people will gasp and say, "WOW YOUR EYES ARE SO PRETTY". honestly I don't know whether I should be happy about it. come on, the only fake part in my face and you tell me it's pretty? -.-

 dyed hair red! :D loved it lor but it only lasted few weeks? or maybe a month or two. haih


this was how red it was hehehe

 wow black hair :O

 i used to be so fair. :(

 i like thick brows in the 2nd pic, but I can only pull it off in this pic.

 love my fringe in this pic! Y U NO ALWAYS LIKE THIS? stupid fringe



2012:

ahh. and here we are now. the present year. as promised, a pic of me now.





































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do you really want to see it? I look so bad now, especially after cutting my hair!












































darn hair stylist I should've sued you!



















































































or maybe I should? .....

























































































okayy chill just a little further.

am I sexy or what?

;)

so it is..

I don't think there's anyone who knows everything about one person. is it even possible? to tell someone every detail about yourself, every feeling you have, every thought that went through your mind? I don't think so.

even if you follow my twitter, are my friend on facebook, read every post in my blog and tumblr, (as if such a person exists lol) there's still no way of you knowing everything about me. you may have witnessed my downfall through my posts, my uncontrolled anger/rant on twitter, me breaking down over sad songs, emo quotes on tumblr and whatnot. yes, these are part of me, but only a small part.

do you know all those feelings and thoughts I had but just didn't have internet to express them? HAHA kidding.

what about all those thoughts I've had, that I'm just too ashamed to even write them out?
oh and the things I want so much to say out, but was too afraid of being judged?
let's not forget the things I wanted to say, but was afraid people would agree, or disagree, or give me a piece of their mind which frankly speaking, i'm not too interested in.

and being the chicken that I am, I keep some opinion bottled up because i'm afraid of confrontation. YES, I choose to run away sometimes because I don't have the guts to face certain problems.

i'm a mess, ain't I?

but it took me a whole lot of courage to write this, and hardworking-ness too. only God knows all the things I wanted to blog about but ended up to lazy to type them out. haha. 

Stelena!

free week is ending!!! NOOOOOOOOO *wails* 

how how how? I've done nothing but slack away this whole week, but in all honesty, isn't that what free week's for? instead of giving us a break, we're thrown with even more ASSIGNMENTS and TESTS (which spells STRESS in case you weren't aware). how is that fair? is that even legal? lool. :( 

anyways some pics of our Four Seasons outing. just to cheer myself up a little. T_T

 I actually really like this pic hahaha

my motivation. woohoo. Paul Wesley. ahaha

i know there's not many Stelena supporters here, but it's alright, I'll live in my own fandom. ahaha. but seriously, the way Stefan looks at Elena.... my heart!! it melts ughghgh. :(

I guess part of me chooses him over Damon because I feel like he's just so sad all the time, I rarely see him smile, he deserves this, right? He deserves Elena. oh dear director please realize this AND STOP WITH THE LOVE TRIANGLE.

ya know, just putting that out there. ^-^

Ridiculously-Photogenic-Guy

if you haven't know, there's this hype going on in the internet about this ridiculously photogenic guy. HAHA

I agree. he is photogenic. I bet he's sitting in front of his computer, admiring all the hilarious memes made after him. what an honour!! hahaha. all of them cracked me up, and that face, you just can't seem to get bored with it. :p

so here's the original photo:

(source)
notice the purple shirt guy? not that you needed me to point him out.


so anyways, here's what the internet did with that picture of him. (oh how I love the internet)

hahaha i laughed so hard at the captions, while at the same time enjoying his handsome face. :D
got the pics here.


p/s if you can't see the memes clearly, click on the pic for a better view! :)
enjoy`

dreams

i hate dreams.
they plant these tiny bits of hope in our heads, and make us feel/think it is real, it is reachable. when in fact, they're just fantasies, fictional and more often than not, impossible. :( 

我可能不会爱你

“如果我不曾拥有 那我也就没有什么好失去的了，不是吗？” 

“ 你现在知道，我为什么不能爱你了吗？”  

“因为拥有。。。” 

“就是失去的开始。”

who's the fool now

from daddy dearest! <3 

it's April already! so fast. in a blink of an eye it's week 6, 6 more weeks and my semester would end. o_o scary how fast time passes us by. hmm

and i've been seriously hooked to L4D lately, no idea why. the craving just never seem to fade!! ehehe. and I'm really glad to have so many flexible kaki's to satisfy my craving :P
thank you!! <3

what can I say, it's been awhile since I camwhored. I'm getting too old for that :( how?

x

there are some people who you put so much priority, you want the best for them. and in return, you expect them to feel the same. well there's where the problem lies --- do not ever, expect. I've repeated the same mistake time after time, but i'm proud to announce that not anymore.

when you're talking to him, you feel on top of the world. next thing you know you're standing right in front of him yet he acts like you don't exist. he enters the room, overjoyed, you smile at him hoping he'll look your way, but no, you saw his eyes linger a little longer on that pretty girl in class. the old me would've crumbled and died, thinking why would he do that to me. well why  wouldn't he? with all the other pretty girls he can talk to, why bother talking to you? pfft.

if you think this is a sad post, it isn't. I'm used to this kind of treatment. I know I lack the 'pretty' factor, and that I'll never be the one eyes turn to whenever I walk by. let's just face it, everyone judges everyone based on looks, I admit, I do the same too, so it's only fair that others judge me based on my looks too, which isn't very outstanding. wtf. fml

all i'm saying is, i'm never gonna expect and have my hopes shattered again. :)

dang i miss my hair

while having my nap just now, I vaguely heard my mum asking my brothers to call me. they couldn't find me cause I didn't respond to their calls. finally, my youngest brother came up to my room and found me sound asleep (like a dead log) on my bed.

I hear mum telling him to wake me up. He switched on the lights, (I heard the sound of my room lights turning on), and before it did, he switched it off. Then I hear him say to mum, "I think don't wake her up better lah." He probably saw how tired I was and decided to let me rest.

this is why I love him so much.

:)

pray for you

“If I knew that today would be the last time I’d see you, I would hug you tight and pray the Lord be the keeper of your soul. If I knew that this would be the last time you pass through this door, I’d embrace you, kiss you, and call you back for one more. If I knew that this would be the last time I would hear your voice, I’d take hold of each word to be able to hear it over and over again. If I knew this is the last time I see you, I’d tell you I love you, and would not just assume foolishly you know it already.”

—	Gabriel García Márquez

∞

some words touch our hearts, leaving permanent scars
some songs tell our story, which we never had the courage to say
some stories we keep to ourselves, some secrets we hide to forget

sometimes we sing to drown out the noise
sometimes we drink to let it all out
sometimes we smile when in fact we want to cry
sometimes we fall apart thinking everything would be better if we could just die


some people touch us with their life
some people touch us with their kindness
some people touch us, simply because they mean so much

love

i love you.


three simple words. and all the while I thought I was missing out on love because I wasn't in a relationship. but now I know, love exists in family, exists in friends. Love is powerful because it is from God, words just cannot describe how much I love so many people is so many different ways. I don't even know where to begin.. but i'll try.


I love my family, each and every one of them, for being just the way they are.
I love my dad, for his constant nagging.
I love my mum, i love how strict she is, and how at the end of the day, I see signs of her soft side.
I love my brother #1, for how he keeps me entertained with his funny jokes.
I love my brother #2, for his bragging about how good a gamer he is.
I love my brother #3, for he always has my back, and for how adorable and innocent he is.

and to all my friends, or perhaps strangers who have shown kindness towards me, or the other way round:

i love you, for choosing me and believing in me, giving me confidence and moulding me into what I am now. It is because of you that I start to have faith in myself.
i love you, without reason. Seeing you brightens my day and I love how we always have things to say despite how long we spent apart.
i love you, for always being patient with me.
i love you, and how you make me feel not alone. How we worry about the same things, and have the same thoughts on life. I love you and I hope you can open up to me more, in time.
i love you, you and your crazyness and the whole tipsy-turvy-package. you make me laugh like there's no tomorrow, seeing you brightens my day too.
i love you, how you're always checking up on me making sure i'm alright. i'm sorry I take you for granted sometimes but do know i'm trying my best to be as much a friend as you are to me.
i love you, how we've known each other since forever. I remember the first time we were in different classes, it tore me apart. haha. time flies and we're even far apart now, but i still love you with all my heart.
i love you, the you that you are now. you deserve to be happy, every day of your life. seeing you smile makes me smile too. please smile more.
i love you, mean as you are, the things you say never fails to make me laugh. I'm really glad you're happy now, please remember me.
i love you, despite the distance.
i love you, annoying as you are, you actually care about me.
i love you, you and your paranoid-ness. i love how we goof off with each other and just throw away our image :p
i love you, you're like our sugar daddy. whenever all of us are together, laughter is never missing. I love how we're always coming up with these crazy/silly actions. then repeating them to mock each other.
i love you, all 13 of you. i always have, and I always will.
i love you, seeing your picture makes me smile. I want the best for you, that's why I try my best to look out for you.
i love you, and I don't want anything bad to happen to you. i love you so much, so much, that i'm willing to sacrifice everything to go through this with you. but that'll be out of line..
i love you, and I care dearly about you. you really should take more care of yourself.
i love you, my shopping buddy. you always persuade me to buy things I don't need but despite it all, i love you :P
i love you, the one who gives the warmest hugs. you deserve to be happy too. I can't wait for the day you find true happiness.
i love you, the best guy friend i ever had. we're not as close anymore, but i'm still here for you whenever, if ever you need me.
i love you, you're really pretty, and talented, and bossy, and you always get what you want. haha but at the end of the day, i do still love you.
i love you, you're like the big brother I never had. thank you for looking out for me.
i love you, the sister I never had. you make me feel loved, though we seldom chat now, just a single text from you is enough to make me know you love me. and i'm really grateful for a sister like you.
i love you, you deserve nothing but the best, and seeing you happy now, i can only say that i'm happy too.





that's all I can think of for now.
think one of them is about you? well then, maybe it is. ;)

:)

"I would like to be the air that inhabits you for a moment only. I would like to be that unnoticed and that necessary."

Margaret Atwood 

怎么不被想要 还在为你效劳

it's one of those feel-awful-nights again. it's starting to be a regular thing now, and that kinda sucks.

:(

had a hair cut today. my long hair was just too much to handle - so heavy, messy and just ugh. i've no idea why it suddenly decided to dry up, it's like i'm growing haystacks instead of hair.

don't love my new hair, but looking at the remainder of my hair, i can't say i want it back...

D:

awful right? hmmm the hair stylist says I should straighten my hair, that it suits me more. hahaha contrary of what everyone else is telling me. considering it :p

everything happens for a reason, and I believe there is a reason for what is happening right now too. maybe it's for the best. but imho, was this really necessary? but anyways, it's your decision and I respect that.


nothing much on my mind. for someone who hates change, weirdly enough, it makes me happy when someone tells me that i've changed (attitude wise). I want to be a new person, a better person, better than I was yesterday.

我能拥有什么 答案早就明了

学会哭也能笑

怎么不听劝告 怎么不被想要 还在为你效劳？

会不会疯掉

做你的外套 只能穿梭你的外表

看到你对她的撒娇 可笑的是我没资格计较

做你的外套 拥抱着却不被拥抱

我是谁你知不知道 怎能随便穿上又换掉？