有一些人 容易動情也容易忘情

 intake for today. lolol. excluding breakfast. yum yumm.

thanks Mala for letting me have desserts after the horrid exam. i am absolutely clueless on how i'm going to get through this semester. suckss.


had breakfast with Wee, then studied at her house. and lunch with SS, along with Ee Hau and his friends from Melaka. :D
how silly of me i forgot to take a group photo. >:( only take photo of my food. wtf.



today was horrible. all the things that happened hours before the exam succeeded in bringing me down. can you believe i cried all the way to school? hah. haven't cried in awhile. i don't know how, but it was the best and worst feeling ever.

i don't know how to go on with my life anymore.
i just wish it were easier.

how bout a cute boy to end my post with? :)

退到了绝境再退

退到了绝境再退

破碎到不能破碎

那么为什么，你就不肯说，我只能猜疑却都错

泪水灌溉这伤悲，

绝望是你赐给的安慰

为何你说慌，我却受惩罚

你不如就用刀刺下

我可以痛了再痛，

你可以错了再错

不甘心，不闪躲， 只为那失真的承诺

我转身让你换着活，

你存心用尽我宽容

为什么连谎言你也刺破？

爱和痛彼此纠结，

悲和我无法分解

厌倦的疲累，

成了一片黑 伤痛都已无法相灭
泪水滋润着泪水，

背叛是你另一种慰藉

完美的借口，泪无不留下，

你不如用乱箭射吧

即使我头也不回，

这悲剧猛向我追

情愿你全部摧毁，

别留着燎原的火堆

给你的自由将我吞没，

给我的爱像一根绳索

你放手却困住了我

为什么…… 连谎言你也不说？

- 张栋梁《错了再错》

x
i put this song on repeat when i'm feeling down. and i love it. 
不懂这是什么变态的感觉，真的很不舒服。
整个人开心不起来，却又说不出为什么。
到底是为了什么？
是真的不知道，还是自己不让自己知道。

I screwed up

no idea what's going through my mind these past few days...
last night was a wake up call.
I guess?




fought with my bro.
you should have been there.
stand outside the gates or something, I bet you could hear us shouting a mile away :(


everything's just so messed up.
there's so much on my mind, I don't know who I am anymore...
one thing my brother said to me, it really made me go 'wow'. I never knew, it's just that.. the thought never occured to me.
he said: you're always like this. you're always shouting at me. raising your voice.

the way he said it, the hurt in his voice.. gahh.
no words could describe how guilty I felt after hearing it

that got me thinking..
every time my parents shouted at me or raised their voice, I too would feel bad. that made me feel worse cos now I know how he felt. but ahhhh !
everything was said and done.
we shouted at each other. and after that we both cried. and I rushed to my room. and...
that's when I realized, I lost.

why did I even shout at him in the first place?
it's just that, there are some things that gets me really pissed, some things, that I'm more sensitive bout. haix.
I'm the selfish one. come to think of it, I've never think of how others would feel.
the way I treat them, it's like, I don't know...
I don't know anything anymore. who am I? what have I become? am I the old me? or have I changed for the worse?

the answer's still the same:

I DON'T KNOW




last night made me realize alot of things.
knowing that I'm a bitch is one.
finding out that I'm a lonely bitch is another.

there I was, crying my heart out, without a clue of how to feel, what to think, and how to fix it. I was all alone... at least my brother had his friends. unlike him, I had no one.
my parents weren't home (not that I'd consider running to them with this matter), but still...
I picked up my phone, thinking of who to msg, and tell them what happened. but..

there was no one...
I'm all alone.
who should I run to with this matter? I don't know... I was never good at expressing myself.
everything, I kept to myself. I've forgotten what happened, or when it happened, when, did I stop believing? when, did I stop trusting? it's been a while, I guess. I just can't trust anyone that easily... especially things that are just too.... important ? not only that, I don't want to be a burden to anyone.
I put on a happy face every time I go out. and hide myself in my room when nobody's watching. drown myself in tears. though it's been a while since I last cried...
what do I want??
whom to turn to? who would willingly listen, without thinking of me as a burden...
who who who...

I'm all alone.
why do I distance myself away sometimes?


也许，是我自己不愿走出，已逐渐陈旧的回忆。。。
是我自己，太笨太傻太自私，以为，
自己一个人就可以了。
我知道错了，但

我改变得了吗？

快乐,好不好?

觉得自己好像真的疯了


我为什么,这么的不快乐?
我什么都不缺啊...
要什么就有什么,
那...
我到底少了什么???
为什么别人可以快乐,
而我却不能!!!


是我想太多吗?
还是是因为耳朵真的很痛,
所以就胡思乱想??

耳朵真的很痛...


我也不知道自己是怎么了
为什么,最近一直说什么,
活得不耐烦啊~
这一类似的话!

我疯了!
彻彻底底的疯了...

可是,
除了和朋友在一起的时候,
还有和家人在一起时,
其他时间,
我真的一点都不快乐.

有时候会越想越伤心
感觉好像少了什么似的...
究竟是什么东西哦???

我曾经是个常常笑的人.
别人常说我变态啊一直笑...
哈哈...
"别人"
好像是在说他呢..
哈哈哈

他真的让我很快乐
虽然只是单恋,
但也没关系啦...
只要有他我就会快乐,
我就能快乐...

现在,
说是说放手了,
但....
我真的忘了他吗?
我真的放得下手吗?

喜欢上他,
我不曾后悔过,
从来都没有.

已经好久没他的消息了
真的好想他...
但也不敢去找他了
是时候,
过现在的生活,
别再活在过去里!

我要自由,我要快乐,我要....活

可是就突然觉得,
自己活着一点意思都没有
为什么?
很多问题都得不到答案...
这应该是其中一个吧!

难道我真的是因为他而快乐?
不可能吧...
我怎么可能让自己那么的依赖他....


想要你关心我
可是,
知道不可能啦...
所以也只笑着说自己笨.

我发觉,
自己真的好蠢哦~
嘿嘿...

现在和以前变了很多...
别人说,
我只要一点点东西就能快乐
但
少了他的人生,
真的很难快乐.

连微笑,
都很勉强.
也发觉,
我的自拍照,
都是笑得很勉强.
有些甚至是在苦笑!
哈哈...
我真的很悲哀

亲爱的朋友们
希望你们可以给我一点时间,
我会重新快乐起来的!!!
一定会

我要快乐

to my friends,

never think that I'm not happy when I'm with you all.
because I am.

eventhough I might be feeling down at that moment of time,
I am happy when we are together.
when we spend time together,
talking, laughing.
all that is real.

I'm really grateful to have such good friends,
who can make me happy even when I am feeling so sad.
thank you all so much...
I'm so damn lucky,
to have found friends,
that'll be there for me
in good times and bad.

thanks !!
I promise to be happy again... okkkk ?
^^

all my fragile strength is gone...

所谓完美的恋人并不存在
完美的只有想要和对方一直走下去的那份坚定而已。


如果你遇到了那个对的人，
请为他坚定，
请不要胆怯，
是因为人生没有办法重来，
也是因为，
在爱情里，
很多人很多事很多珍贵，
错过了就是错过了，

所以，为什么不把握？

my phone's current wallpaper
XP




haix
feeling a rush of emoness coming..
aduhh..
better post quickly before I lose my mood altogether,
like last night...


went to eat at Lakeside Restaurant yesterday,
again.
lol

Wee and I went,
lollss
eat till so high
cause we get so much food then only rm3.50 nia..!!
hahaha..
shiok.
then we two at there do what I also dunno larh ._.
all I know is she high till,
when see Suk Sin in the toilet,
she screamed and said:
"SUk Sin !! you know just now I eat how much??"

.____.
LOL!!!!
Ah Wee ah u siao zha bo !!
hahahahahha!!

see her high high face
looooool ~

by the time we knew it,
we were taking pics here and there
-__-
really nothing to do.
lol!!

hahahahaha
ah wee took this pic
promoting Z610i sia!!
and also,
the girl in my phone,
none other than my da jie~~~
=p

Hello Kitty wallet.
lol
._.


hahaha..
as promised,
I shall blog about a friend of mine,
named,
Rohit.


lolss
as quoted by Mr Rohit himself,
"wearing pink makes me feel manly"
haha..
:D

anyways,
I also dunno what to say anymore.
but don't worry Rohit I won't call you a pea brain lah
lmao

haha..
check out this cool pic of him
ahhaha!!!

really funny.
while taking the pic,
he pose so slow, then when I turned around so many people were staring.
and laughing
hahahahhaha!!!

photo session in campus!
woots~

ok lah,
that's it for now,
don't feel well,
not that I'm sick or what...
emotionally ill..
lolss

I feel so abandoned, lonely....
sad.
left out in everything,
why don't anyone give a damn?

Nobody knows but me
That I sometimes cry
If I could pretend that I'm asleep
When my tears start to fall
I peek out from behind these walls
I think nobody knows
Nobody knows

There's nowhere else in the world that I could ever be
And baby don't it feel like I'm all alone
Who's gonna be there after the last angel has flown
And I've lost my way back home
I think nobody knows
Nobody cares

Nobody knows-- Pink.

Blow the candles out
Looks like a solo tonight
I’m beginning to see the light
Blow the candles out
Looks like a solo tonight
But I think I’ll be alright

Candles--Hey Monday.

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.

Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

Gravity--Sara Bareilles.

曾经有人问过我， “如果有一个爱你你却不爱他的人，
和你爱他他却不爱你的人， 那你要选哪个？”
我说：“我应该会选。。。爱他他却不爱我那个。”

我宁愿选择去爱人也不要选择一个我不爱的人
就算我爱的人不爱我，
但至少，

我爱他


I totally agree with this...
loving someone is better than being loved.
I guess..
some way some how?
=/

even though,
it hurts so much when your love for that person is not returned...
but still
at least you gave it your all,
right?
=)

叶子的离开，是风的追求，还是树的不挽留？

所谓的曾经，就是幸福

叶子的离开，
是风的追求，
还是树的不挽留？

went to a party last night
the birthday boy so cute!
hehe..
his friend even cuter
:P

Vince in yellow shirt, and Mark in red.
Mark's the birthday boy btw.
hehe..

Vinnnceee is so cute lah!!!
feel like pinching his cheeks!!

the birthday cake!!
took from the side.. =(
not that nice lols..
cos I paiseh wanna go take from the front
._.
in the end asked my youngest bro to help me take
haha
no skill one
*tsk tsk tsk*

~.~
elmo and cookie monster plus some other cuties from Sesame Street!
haha.
cute !!
=D

birthday boiii
lolol~


haix.
realized how much I miss my brother
aduh~
...

went to the party,
I thought it was gonna be okay,
but after everything,
I realized.. that I had nothing to do.
I was never good at socializing
so it was always my brother who would talk with me.
we would either gossip bout school,
catch up with each others' lives.. etc etc.
or perhaps dare each other to sing karaoke in front of everyone,
but in the end nobody dare.
LOL!!

not to forget,
kacau all those children when they're playing PS2.
LOL!!!
but in the end I'm always the one who's bullied
T_T
and sometimes, (if I'm lucky)
my brother would save me from them
lolsss!!!

but he wasn't there last night..
haix.
I miss him..
so much.
I can't believe I just said that !
omg..
and even more so what I'm going to say next:

I feel tears welling up in my eyes now.....


bro,
I know you won't read my blog,
but I'm guessing someone who knows me and knows you too will tell you I wrote this bout you.
hahaha!!!
=D
have fun in Spain ya.!!
dunno why ever since I started schooling,
we seldom see each other though we're under the same roof...
and we seldom talk.


haix.
hope things'll change for the better soon.
I don't wanna go online everyday anymore bah.
I think I'll control myself from going online starting next week...
it's just..
not good for me..
haix haix
feel so down now

PS:
Rohit, will post your pic when I feel better.. =(
type type then suddenly become so emo.
aiiidii..
=x

PPS:

thanks Doreen Darling,
for the things you gave me. (simply because you love me)
hehehheeh
^^

love you.