maybe

maybe my problem is that i'm not straightforward enough. i suck at expressing myself. what i want, how i feel. i just keep everything to myself, and smile as if nothing's bothering me. and when i'm pissed, i just keep quiet and distance myself from everyone.

maybe that's where it all went wrong. maybe i shouldn't be so damn quiet and damn obedient, doing every single fucking thing everyone asks me to. i'm like a dog, barking when someone calls and following every instruction given to me, whether it makes me happy or not.

maybe that's how i got so fucked up in the end and made me so fucking pissed that i wrote this post. i promised to never use the f word anymore, but here i am repeating my past mistake. but you know what? i like swearing. it gives me joy. it honestly does. so just let me release my anger, okay?

and you know what? i realize people only come to you when they need something. you see it coming and it's just funny, and sad. nobody needs you. nobody. so why bother?

have you ever pictured yourself dying? you see a car driving beside you, and immediately in your head a scene of it crashing into you flashes. seconds later, you're back to reality. you breathe a sigh of relief, but the scene lingered. you thought about it, and prepared yourself for it really happening. i've been these flashes once again these past few days. haha. maybe i'm just tired of living. tired of living to please people.