downfall

so I've been looking at the vain photos I've taken in the past.. over the years, I feel a sense of joy whenever I look at self shots of myself from previous years. why? because I felt that I've grown just a little bit prettier than the year before. 

sadly, that's not really the case for me this year. not only am I told reminded that i'm not getting any younger, a friend pointed out that there are wrinkles(!!) at the side of my eyes and that has been bothering me ever since. *sigh

what other way to make myself feel better than to look at old photos and cry about how young I used to look... right? (bonus pic of how I look NOW at the end of this post) 

2009:

bad year. I used to have straight hair, and I was kinda dark at the time. hmm

 these are the only two decent photos I can allow myself to post.


2010:
year of the color contacts! had my pretty pink contacts on most of the time, plus I stayed indoors most of the time, thus the fairer skin. can I call this my golden year? buay paiseh HAHA

oh! I curled my hair this year too. hehe

 how did I manage to have such straight bangs?!

 omg look how big my eyes are/were whatever! LOL
 really like these two pics of myself. but obviously they're highly photoshopped :(

can I go with pretty? XD

omg all my pics back then were photoshopped. -_-
no wonder Terry kept mocking me. I never realized it til now!


2011:
this year, I stopped using colored contacts, mainly because when I wear them, people will gasp and say, "WOW YOUR EYES ARE SO PRETTY". honestly I don't know whether I should be happy about it. come on, the only fake part in my face and you tell me it's pretty? -.-

 dyed hair red! :D loved it lor but it only lasted few weeks? or maybe a month or two. haih


this was how red it was hehehe

 wow black hair :O

 i used to be so fair. :(

 i like thick brows in the 2nd pic, but I can only pull it off in this pic.

 love my fringe in this pic! Y U NO ALWAYS LIKE THIS? stupid fringe



2012:

ahh. and here we are now. the present year. as promised, a pic of me now.





































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do you really want to see it? I look so bad now, especially after cutting my hair!












































darn hair stylist I should've sued you!



















































































or maybe I should? .....

























































































okayy chill just a little further.

am I sexy or what?

;)

a fresh start

aloha~ 

howdy. how ya doin? lmao. -_-

school starts Monday!! which is like, a weekend away. and we all know how weekends fly by. it's like they don't exist. boohoo

and sad enough for me i'm gonna spend the first week of school A-L-O-N-E! all because my dear friend is still on honeymoon with her hubby T_T oh please let me find a partner so i don't have to go through school alone. *sobs *

and just recently i found out that Finals results from every sem are gonna be added together to get the average during our final year! what?! I wasn't aware of this. All the while I thought I still had time, that I can still study hard during my last year and get a decent job with those results. but now I found out about this?? oh my gosh. my lousy results from previous semesters, all stored somewhere in Curtin's big web of information. /sigh

I really need to work harder this sem. (i know I say this every sem but I really really hope this time i mean it) can you tell i'm on the verge of a break down? I did fairly well during Foundation but guess what, FOUNDATION RESULTS AREN'T INCLUDED! whut?! whyyyyyy. shit. okay i'll quit the complaining. study hard. that's the only way out for me. 

holy titty fuck.

Marry me, Harry. then i don't have to worry bout shitty grades anymore. :(

in a hurry

my new baby. this small fella' cost me RM7. kinda regretting it now -_-

anyways, i have to end this post oh so abruptly cos suddenly i'm short of time! there's just too much to do :s


just wanted to say:

in life, there will be people who won't accept you for who you are,
who give you the 'wtf' look when you do something stupid (in their eyes) in public.
 people who judge you without even knowing you.
people who believe everything they hear.

as much as you want everyone to like you, there will be people who just don't like you for who you are.

i used to care about these people, i try to act normal in front of them and check every now and then if they're looking at me, just so i can be assured that they don't think i'm a lunatic retard anymore. someone asked me, "why does it matter? you shouldn't be thinking about it." but i told her, i don't know why but i just care about what others think of me.

well guess what, i've come to my senses. you can think whatever you damn well please. you think i'm stupid, you think i'm crazy, you think i'm a bitch whose laughter gives you chills? yeah babe, i'm all of that and more. what tears me is that i actually thought highly of you. not anymore.

you don't like me?

too bad. go fuck yourself.

follow your arse

so i read this book again last night. it's a special book as it lets YOU decide the ending of the story. so of course i had to give another go, since the last time all my endings were SUCKISH. ie, i lost my best friend and the guy. what??!


and what's worse is i made all my decisions based on what i'd do if this situation occurred in real life. omg so is this a prediction that if i did what i did in real life, my ending would be like that? sucks man. i mean seriously. seems like all the bitchy decisions (in the book) lead to better outcomes. what happened to being a good person huh? T_T


and weird thing is, with every different decision you make, the guy's attitude changes. -___-


for example,
if you choose A, (which often is the right thing to do), he ends up being a psychopath or he suddenly realizes how much he loves your bestfriend and couldn't bear to break up with her. thus, you didn't get the hottie AND you distance yourself from your best friend and turn into a loner.

HOWEVER, if you choose B, (which is the bitchier choice, say, leave your best friend who passed out on the ground and go off with him on his motorcycle), he miraculously realizes how much better off you are compared to your best friend, and opens up to you on things he never told his girlfriend aka your soon to be EX best friend. WTF


STUPID BOOK. or maybe the author's a bitch. that explains a lot.

"In any war, there are calms between storms.

There will be days when we lose faith.

Days when our allies turn against us...

but the day will never come that we forsake this planet and its people. "

everything Optimus Prime says leaves a mark in my heart. he's the most intelligent among the autobots. wise, brave and kind.

if only men were half as good as he is. if only.

sfdlgkofi

 time for a change.

getting to know new people is risky. you might like them at first, but once you get to know them, slowly, you discover new things about them, and some of these things might not be something you'd like.

let me tell you this: there's not much people you can trust anymore. they'll tell you something, then right in front of you they're doing the total opposite of what they said. not gonna elaborate, but at least they have the decency of doing it right in my face? LMAO. pathetic. i'm the pathetic one, for believing and trusting that you people meant what you say just like how i mean every single word i say.

if you don't mean what you say, then don't say anything at all. if you want to say something to make me feel better, i rather you don't if it's gonna be lies.

i guess i'm just disappointed with the way things have turned out. i'm shocked beyond words. what you did hurt me, and i guess it's something you'll never understand. i miss my old friends. the ones who tell me things which are actually true. the ones who don't give me bullshits, just to 'make me feel better'. seriously. just cut the act. i very well know you don't give a damn about me, so just quit it.

it's best to depend on yourself, for who can you trust in this society filled with lies and selfish thoughts?

go ahead, judge me.

i think he's hot. lol

i know only few of you will agree, so just save it, okay? i don't need people telling me everything to my face. it's like you people are trying to piss me off.

"you have bad taste."
"i bet you can't do this bla bla"
"you don't even know anything about bla bla"
"i'm pretty sure you're just saying that to make yourself feel better blablabla"


i've had it. is your sole purpose of being my 'friend' to mock me? you say all these hurtful words, not knowing the damage it'll cost. you think it's easy for me? you don't even know me, what i'm going through. why i did this, why i did that. all you do is assume, and judge from what you think is going on.

not everything is a bed of roses, definitely not for me. how would you feel if someone treated you like how you're treating me? i can say so many hurtful things to you out of spite, just to make you have a peek of how you've made me felt in the past, but i won't. i'm not you and i'm just gonna keep those thoughts in my head, where i can drown in shame for even having such ugly thoughts.

i hope you're happy, you've successfully made me miserable. congratulations? hah. you deserve a pat in the back.



P/s,
i'm not talking to you until i receive an apology from you. and it better be sincere. 

just another sad love song

男：“我給你講好玩的故事啊..從前有兩個人。一個叫'我愛你'一個叫'我不愛你'，可是有一天，'我不愛你'死了。你說還剩誰？“

女：“什麼啊？那個誰都知道啊。我如果說剩下，我愛你，你就會說'原來你暗戀我啊，對不對？“

男：“不是啦。你就回答嘛..只是遊戲“

女：“那好吧，我愛你'“

男：“恩。我也愛你“

女：“什麼啊你？“

男：“那我再說一個啊..從前有兩個人。一個叫'我愛你'一個叫'我不愛你'，可是有一天，'我愛你'死了。你說還剩誰？“

女: “'我不愛你'啊“

男：“那我也愛你“

女: “.....“

男: “不是開玩笑..我是真的很愛你

awww. it's these fairy-tale-like love stories that makes us girls swoon. don't you deny it. i do believe deep down every girl has a soft spot for romantic love stories.

but guess what, it ain't gonna happen. call me a realist, but there's just not much good guys out there anymore. it's called a fairy-tale love story for a reason. blargh.

hope

with all that's been happening around the world - earthquakes, tsunami's and whatnot, it's hard not to think that the world is ending soon. the end feels near now, doesn't it? i bet everyone is shivering at the thought of it, because i am. i admit i'm scared. like, how would the end of the world be like? Judgement Day, what would God say about me when He sees me? am I worthy to step into the gates of Heaven? so many thoughts, no answer.

as if these disasters aren't bad enough, another drama surfaces. such a small town like Miri, why would something like this even happen? murder.. i can't help but shiver at the sight of that word.

and with this sad news i saw a link on FB of a girl committing suicide. why? why why why? such a stupid and selfish act. have you ever thought about the people you're leaving behind? your parents, your family, your friends. how would they feel? how would God feel? ungrateful. we are all flawed. and ungratefulness is worse than being ugly. we judge people by their looks, by their wealth, not knowing that what should matter most is the inside. everyone deserves to be love, for we are made out of love.

please people, the world is ending. the evil one is putting us to the test. God's love will prevail. just stay strong, believe, have faith. even when all hope is lost, know that God will always be there for you, as long as you believe. ♥

the F word

one pic edited and the other is pure. ahaha note the difference? of course you don't. my face is flawless even without Photoshop.


something pretty exciting happened yesterday.

Dad saw my status on FB, i guess it had too many 'likes' so it lingered in his homepage. urgh. life you're so evil. and all this while i thought my statuses were safe.

so yea, i guess the status wasn't all that bad. though dad wasn't really happy with the word 'shit' which i used in that status.

to make matters worse, in one of the comments i got pissed and hence i replied with the F word. trololol. yea no elaboration required i think everyone knows what happened next. *FATALITY* (read in Ryan Higa's voice)

the whole scene was pretty scary but after a while i guess dad sort of calmed down? but mum still wasn't happy with it. i'm also not happy with the treatment i'm receiving from her.

after that incident she told me i'm not worthy of being intercessor and pianist for the church. what a shame, she said. and this morning i returned the keyboard to Jacq cause she needed it, mum thought i resigned from playing piano.

mum: how did you tell them you resigned from playing the piano?
me: i didn't resign. O_O

she said something after that but i forgot. but seems to me that she still thinks i shouldn't be playing.

in all honesty, i don't think she has the right to say that to me. i thought God made us all the same. We are all born with imperfections. yes i swear a lot, i do lots and lots of bad things. but God gave me a gift and i don't think you can tell me whether or not to use it. I'm happy playing the piano, it gives me joy plus i love hanging out with the choir people + prayer meeting group.

not worthy? how many of us are without sin? i bet not one person is, except for God. as unworthy as I am, i know that God still loves me and will always welcome me back with open arms, no matter how far i've strayed.

thanks Jacq for talking some sense into me. haha
too bad i've already sent an email to the guy in charge of the intercessor. you have no idea what i wrote in the email. blargh but it's already sent so yeah, no turning back.



and believe it or not... it's 12AM now and i haven't touched any of my tutorials. :C
i guess some things never change. *SIGH

超级鸡白

每一次都这样
每一次都偏心
每一次都有不同的招待 不公平的待遇

而我 就是什么都不可以的那个

明明 弟弟整天拜年都还没回家，那为什么我这个姐姐不能去呢？
叫我做这个那个就叫到很爽

记得扫地啊
记得关火啊

不开心的话 又要等着被骂咯
就这样简单
我的命真的不是大家想象中那样

说实在 我也不知道别人想象中我的命是怎样


真的受不了
我想离开
到一个不被你们拘束的地方生活
只怪自己平时没存钱 不然现在可以不顾一切 离家出走

再说一次什么要我们搬出这屋子这一类型的话 我就拍拍屁股 指一下中指 头也不回地离开
看你会不会求我留下来

要是我有勇气这么做就好
但现在只能做的。。。 就是忍气吞声

day 5

woohoo finally bought muh new bag. love love love it. have to admit it has its flaws, but owh well. nothing's perfect, i guess? :D


last night was fun. stayed over at Imperial Hotel. gahh slept for two hours only! D:
gonna take a nap after this brief update. :o

having dinner again tonight, then sing k after. hoho. hope i still have voice to sing later. screamed too much last night. hahaha
and it's really nice of my boss to let me have my off day on a Saturday. :) thank youuusss <3


one more thing, met with ah Wee last night too. supper at Desserts Master. oh man, i really missed her. ahaha. :p


okay that is all. really need to sleep! 

priorities

to make up for my lack of updates, there's gonna be two posts for today. *applause*

i've been working lately, no time for personal business at all. i haven't been shopping, i haven't been spending much time with friends, i haven't played tennis in a while, and i sure as hell didn't have time to think hence i have nothing to blog about, at all. LOL

okay anyways......

my mind's been pretty busy lately - making a never ending list of things i should get once i get my pay. well, here's the thing:

when i see something i can't afford but i simply must have, i think of all kinds of ways to find money to buy it. and that always leave me emotionally drained. my parents don't give me everything i want. money doesn't come easy for me yet i spend it impulsively without thinking. :/

all this thinking eventually leaves me miserable and pissed.




here's the list of things i've set my eyes on, but am not sure whether buying it would be the right thing to do:

1. Calvin Klein eyeglass. 
one day, i wore my old glasses to work and realize that i couldn't focus on things, which lead me to the conclusion that i needed a new pair of glasses. silly me. i don't know what brought me to the optic shop. i just went in with my friend and look at all the glasses and in the end fell in love with that particular pair. :(

it's nice, but expensiveeeee. i thought mum was gonna say yes (wtf was i even thinking:?) but she said no -0-

i was so determined that i would do whatever it takes to own them,
 but now i'm not so sure.


2. BAG! 
yesss i finally found the perfect bag! i love it!!! but there's a catch:

the nicer one is white in color, but it's dirty :( and i'm not sure whether i can wipe off the stain. sigh. the other color's purple, it's okay i guess but just not you know, perfect. :C


3. clothes!!
which i saw in this shop, that shop, and oh, that shop. wtf


4. new phone? 
like seriously.

every time someone calls me i wish they'd stop talking and message me instead. it's not that i don't like talking, it's just, my battery won't last if i make phone calls! how many times have my phone died halfway through a phone call? i stopped counting after 1000. wtf


5. bling bling shoes in the boutique next door. LOLOL!
the owner of the boutique beside the one i'm working at is damn ngiao ji. i saw the most gorgeous pair of studded bling PINK shoes on display when i passed by. wanted to buy it so muchhhhh but then we're forbidden to go into their shop. KNS!



and the list goes on and on. sigh. melo melo. please stop dreaming. haha

insecurities

 sorry to disappoint, but this isn't an update on the Korea trip

x



insecurities. they're the root of evil. it destroys perfection. slowly biting through your fears and constantly telling you you're not good enough, and never will be. sadly, when a person starts to feel insecure, it's so hard to regain confidence, to stand strong and say, i am not worthless. i am who i am and that should be enough.

bro's before ho's

i am at a loss for words. am feeling bitter, very very bitter.

got home last night, and was greeted with the sight of all our shoes scattered on the lawn. my younger brother's Crocs teared and bitten into smithereens. whoever said that crocs are indestructible are wrong. thankfully, both my Crocs were fine, except for the fact that all, and i do mean all, my Jibbits were gone. i found a few on the grass. less than 10 left. sigh. i am seriously depressed.

i thought i was alright with it, but i don't think i am. not because of the damn jibbits. yes, maybe a little. what bothers me most is how my so called mother reacted to it all. she didn't feel even the slightest pity for me. i bought most of the jibbits myself, some were gifts from friends. all gone, just like that. i was moaning about how i lost my collection and she snapped at me saying "collection? start collecting only when you have a salary lah." so much for seeking comfort from my mother. and then, she wasn't angry with my dog. usually, she'd be raging and shouting at the dog for running out of the house. but now? she destroyed half my collection of jibbits and nothing? nothing??????!!! you have got to be fucking kidding me.

i heard my dad asking my mum jokingly why she didn't hit the dog. and she said, "at first i was wondering why she suddenly bit all the shoes, cause she usually doesn't do that. but then i realized it's because we didn't left her enough food." oh. since when you're so rational? since none of your shoes were bitten i suppose. oh it's okay. the dog did nothing wrong. she just lost my daughter's jibbits, that's all. who cares what my daughter feels.

i feel like screaming in your face and tell you that i really fucking hate you. just like how you looked me in the eyes and told me you hated me and didn't want to talk to me, outside of church!! there. i said it. i fucking said it. i don't care whether you meant it or not. you have no idea how much i want to look you in the eye and tell you that i don't like you that much either. or maybe just pack my bags and leave. or announce to them that i will be dropping out of Curtin and find a job or something. anything. anything to get me out of this house. i can't stand it anymore.

would it kill you to just talk to me nicely? i'd like to think that it would because i can't seem to find any reason why you're treating me this way.

there, i said it!

i hate how i run away whenever i don't want to deal with things. i should be stronger.
i hate how people pretend that everything's okay when obviously there's something going on. is it so hard to just tell me what's happening? if you think it'll "hurt my feelings", then surely you should know that not telling hurts my feelings just as well.
i hate it when people tell me things that i want to hear. if you're not going to do what you say, then don't say. stop giving out false hope. have you any idea how hurt it is to have your expectations crushed?
i hate how i even give a shit sometimes. there are things that i really should just forget about and move on.


i don't like the way you talked to me just now. just venting it all here. anyways, i'm going to refrain myself from using vulgarities from now on. nobody is worth dirtying my mouth for. oh, and just so you know, shit isn't a vulgarity. *cough.

don't bother

i know i screwed up. all the procrastinating and whatnot. yeah i totally deserve this. but i think i've let go of it already. there's no use crying over spilt milk, that's how the saying goes.
if I really do fail i pray that I'd get the supplementary test! I'll definitely start studying a week before. xD 

and one more thing. the exam supervisor this morning sucked!!! BULLSHIT LAH HER. she tear out my equation paper because i stick another piece of paper onto it. like that also cannot meh? it's not like there's something behind my piece of paper what. people not enough time to copy ma so pasted someone else's paper onto mine. LIKE THAT ALSO WRONG?


YOU WERE LATE TOO, YOU DON'T SEE ME COMPLAINING THE SHIT OUT OF YOU. somemore got write down my name if not mistaken. tmd. at least tell me what the fuck is going on? mlm

but please. the last thing i want to hear right now, is how easy the test was. okay?
thanks.  so don't go mentioning bout the test anymore you cunts

ROARRR

NO.

eat shit

police? to me, you're nothing but doughnut eating fat asses who get paid for driving around in your police cars. serve justice? pffft stop kidding yourself please.


so a friend of mine got into a car accident just recently. here's a map to make explaining the whole thing easier.

so, my friend was on her way to Ming's. the traffic light was green, so she turned. who knew, there was a Kenari speeding from the north, and the stupid driver didn't even bother to step on the brakes. is he in such a hurry that he didn't notice my friend's car crossing into the junction? and my friend clearly saw that the traffic light was green, then why did the asshole continued speeding even when the traffic light is RED in his direction?? fucking blind is it?

the Kenari hit the side of my friend's car. the left side, thank goodness, not the driver's side. imagine, her car did a 180 degree turn after being hit. thank God she's alright. and guess what? how unlucky of her that the driver of the Kenari is a fucking police. just because you are a police you have the right to disobey the traffic light signal?

in my opinion, it's so fucking obvious that it's the Kenari's fault. his car fucking hit the side of my friend's car. don't give me shit like the light is green and so on, there's a fucking car there and yet you still go ahead and bump into it? fucker. after that, you go and call all your doughnut eating buddies and put on a show of measuring the road blah blah blah. then in the end concluded that it's my friend's fault? LMAO?

you're pathetic. seriously. i pity you. she's a girl, for Pete's sake. bullying her with your shit talk and fake act. and you call yourself a man? i feel sorry for your sorry asses. I look down on you, for abusing your authority like that. just because you're a police doesn't mean you're right in everything. pfffffft. shame on you. seriously, shame on you.

one day, karma will come knocking on your door, and let you have a taste of your own medicine. let's see who's laughing then. hah! can't wait to see your downfall. :)

P/s: i'm not saying all policemen are like that. who knows there might still be justice loving policemen who do their best to restore peace in this small town of Miri. i'm just saying. no need to get pissed, i am not talking about you. or am I? depends on what kind of police you are.

:)

mustache

zomg. look at my fringe. no wait! don't look at it!!

neways, bought this baby yesterday. *inserts evil laughter*
Wee and I spent like forever walking in Guardian. the Guardian in town has a lot more things compared to the one in Parkson. i think?

oh ho ho. all i know is i'm so happy ~~

 has anyone realized that money is so hard to earn, yet so easy to spend? :((
SAD.

and today is Friday... which marks the end of my holidays!
the sad part is : everyone's holiday starts next week. wtf is this shit.
when i holiday, nobody holiday. when everybody holiday, i no holiday. FML much.

and my gum/teeth hurts!! i am so so sad. even swallowing my saliva hurts i don't know why. maybe cos the gum is involved in the process or something ha ha ha. 
darn. seems like i'm a very sad girl hor. hahahaha. boooooo :(


 another thing. the side of my mouth and nose has been itching for the past few days. at first i kept on scratching it, even enjoying scratching it (lol sot one). then yesterday, it started to hurt when my face touched water. (SAD SAD SAD). worse part is the bottom and side of my mouth is a darker shade of skin and some of the skin is coming off. MA GU

 P/s

SORRY FOR BORING YOU ALL WITH MY COMPLAINTS! and to make up for all that complaining, i used a very interesting title for this post. wahaha.