let this end please

I knew this world isn't fair. but it just sucks being treated so badly, all because I'm not pretty enough?

I've never felt so much anger inside me, not just because of this incident, but many things added up together. I hate, I scream out profanities (when i'm alone in my car wtf) and I just think of things I can do to make them regret, to make them pay for the way they made me feel.

is my post scaring you? bet you never expected happy go lucky Melo to be so dark and gloomy. I guess happiness never did last after all. I know I shouldn't be bothered, but then again, why shouldn't I be bothered? it's rude and offensive and it hurts!! :(

all about hello kitty :D

bought this today! it's so adorable don't you think?? 

hmmmm i think my problem is that I always spend on small stuff, thus I can never save!! but I like cheap thrills sigh. 

how's everyone, everything? can't say i'm doing my best. lately I've been weird, being so happy then suddenly I stop and just feel sad. anyways, I can't help but feel how unfair this world is. I mean, everyone, and I do mean everyone, judges with what they see. if you're not pretty, then life pretty much sucks for you. (oh the irony) 

it's just fucking tiring and drives me insane cause I have no power over it. that's life? well sometimes it's just hard to live with. it's not like I don't want to be skinny and tall and look good in anything. if losing weight were that easy then I wouldn't still be fat. -_-

but at least i'm a happy fat ass. HAHA



P/s 

this is basically how my diet diary would look like:


Day 1
- today is the first day of my diet, must.not.eat.anything.fattening.

- damn it, i'm so hungry, can this lecturer just stop talking and let us go??

- okay calm down Melo. drink water, stop thinking about your stomach.

- omg did she hear that? did she hear my stomach growl?

- fuck I'm SOOOOOOO hungry!!!!

- maybe by the time class ends the hunger will be gone and I can save money AND diet?

- will this class EVER end?!?!

- omg is everyone keeping their things? THANK GOD THIS IS FINALLY OVER.

- *apparates to cafeteria*

downfall

so I've been looking at the vain photos I've taken in the past.. over the years, I feel a sense of joy whenever I look at self shots of myself from previous years. why? because I felt that I've grown just a little bit prettier than the year before. 

sadly, that's not really the case for me this year. not only am I told reminded that i'm not getting any younger, a friend pointed out that there are wrinkles(!!) at the side of my eyes and that has been bothering me ever since. *sigh

what other way to make myself feel better than to look at old photos and cry about how young I used to look... right? (bonus pic of how I look NOW at the end of this post) 

2009:

bad year. I used to have straight hair, and I was kinda dark at the time. hmm

 these are the only two decent photos I can allow myself to post.


2010:
year of the color contacts! had my pretty pink contacts on most of the time, plus I stayed indoors most of the time, thus the fairer skin. can I call this my golden year? buay paiseh HAHA

oh! I curled my hair this year too. hehe

 how did I manage to have such straight bangs?!

 omg look how big my eyes are/were whatever! LOL
 really like these two pics of myself. but obviously they're highly photoshopped :(

can I go with pretty? XD

omg all my pics back then were photoshopped. -_-
no wonder Terry kept mocking me. I never realized it til now!


2011:
this year, I stopped using colored contacts, mainly because when I wear them, people will gasp and say, "WOW YOUR EYES ARE SO PRETTY". honestly I don't know whether I should be happy about it. come on, the only fake part in my face and you tell me it's pretty? -.-

 dyed hair red! :D loved it lor but it only lasted few weeks? or maybe a month or two. haih


this was how red it was hehehe

 wow black hair :O

 i used to be so fair. :(

 i like thick brows in the 2nd pic, but I can only pull it off in this pic.

 love my fringe in this pic! Y U NO ALWAYS LIKE THIS? stupid fringe



2012:

ahh. and here we are now. the present year. as promised, a pic of me now.





































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do you really want to see it? I look so bad now, especially after cutting my hair!












































darn hair stylist I should've sued you!



















































































or maybe I should? .....

























































































okayy chill just a little further.

am I sexy or what?

;)

so it is..

I don't think there's anyone who knows everything about one person. is it even possible? to tell someone every detail about yourself, every feeling you have, every thought that went through your mind? I don't think so.

even if you follow my twitter, are my friend on facebook, read every post in my blog and tumblr, (as if such a person exists lol) there's still no way of you knowing everything about me. you may have witnessed my downfall through my posts, my uncontrolled anger/rant on twitter, me breaking down over sad songs, emo quotes on tumblr and whatnot. yes, these are part of me, but only a small part.

do you know all those feelings and thoughts I had but just didn't have internet to express them? HAHA kidding.

what about all those thoughts I've had, that I'm just too ashamed to even write them out?
oh and the things I want so much to say out, but was too afraid of being judged?
let's not forget the things I wanted to say, but was afraid people would agree, or disagree, or give me a piece of their mind which frankly speaking, i'm not too interested in.

and being the chicken that I am, I keep some opinion bottled up because i'm afraid of confrontation. YES, I choose to run away sometimes because I don't have the guts to face certain problems.

i'm a mess, ain't I?

but it took me a whole lot of courage to write this, and hardworking-ness too. only God knows all the things I wanted to blog about but ended up to lazy to type them out. haha. 

Stelena!

free week is ending!!! NOOOOOOOOO *wails* 

how how how? I've done nothing but slack away this whole week, but in all honesty, isn't that what free week's for? instead of giving us a break, we're thrown with even more ASSIGNMENTS and TESTS (which spells STRESS in case you weren't aware). how is that fair? is that even legal? lool. :( 

anyways some pics of our Four Seasons outing. just to cheer myself up a little. T_T

 I actually really like this pic hahaha

my motivation. woohoo. Paul Wesley. ahaha

i know there's not many Stelena supporters here, but it's alright, I'll live in my own fandom. ahaha. but seriously, the way Stefan looks at Elena.... my heart!! it melts ughghgh. :(

I guess part of me chooses him over Damon because I feel like he's just so sad all the time, I rarely see him smile, he deserves this, right? He deserves Elena. oh dear director please realize this AND STOP WITH THE LOVE TRIANGLE.

ya know, just putting that out there. ^-^

Ridiculously-Photogenic-Guy

if you haven't know, there's this hype going on in the internet about this ridiculously photogenic guy. HAHA

I agree. he is photogenic. I bet he's sitting in front of his computer, admiring all the hilarious memes made after him. what an honour!! hahaha. all of them cracked me up, and that face, you just can't seem to get bored with it. :p

so here's the original photo:

(source)
notice the purple shirt guy? not that you needed me to point him out.


so anyways, here's what the internet did with that picture of him. (oh how I love the internet)

hahaha i laughed so hard at the captions, while at the same time enjoying his handsome face. :D
got the pics here.


p/s if you can't see the memes clearly, click on the pic for a better view! :)
enjoy`

dreams

i hate dreams.
they plant these tiny bits of hope in our heads, and make us feel/think it is real, it is reachable. when in fact, they're just fantasies, fictional and more often than not, impossible. :( 

我可能不会爱你

“如果我不曾拥有 那我也就没有什么好失去的了，不是吗？” 

“ 你现在知道，我为什么不能爱你了吗？”  

“因为拥有。。。” 

“就是失去的开始。”

who's the fool now

from daddy dearest! <3 

it's April already! so fast. in a blink of an eye it's week 6, 6 more weeks and my semester would end. o_o scary how fast time passes us by. hmm

and i've been seriously hooked to L4D lately, no idea why. the craving just never seem to fade!! ehehe. and I'm really glad to have so many flexible kaki's to satisfy my craving :P
thank you!! <3

what can I say, it's been awhile since I camwhored. I'm getting too old for that :( how?

x

there are some people who you put so much priority, you want the best for them. and in return, you expect them to feel the same. well there's where the problem lies --- do not ever, expect. I've repeated the same mistake time after time, but i'm proud to announce that not anymore.

when you're talking to him, you feel on top of the world. next thing you know you're standing right in front of him yet he acts like you don't exist. he enters the room, overjoyed, you smile at him hoping he'll look your way, but no, you saw his eyes linger a little longer on that pretty girl in class. the old me would've crumbled and died, thinking why would he do that to me. well why  wouldn't he? with all the other pretty girls he can talk to, why bother talking to you? pfft.

if you think this is a sad post, it isn't. I'm used to this kind of treatment. I know I lack the 'pretty' factor, and that I'll never be the one eyes turn to whenever I walk by. let's just face it, everyone judges everyone based on looks, I admit, I do the same too, so it's only fair that others judge me based on my looks too, which isn't very outstanding. wtf. fml

all i'm saying is, i'm never gonna expect and have my hopes shattered again. :)