i f*cking hate my life, so sue me

melo is in a fuckish mood right now
so make sure you keep a safe distance away from me,
just in case.


dad dun let me go sing k with them.
i didn't utter a word when i heard his rejection
I thought he was gonna say yes.
i didn't even put on a long face.
i just silently ate my dinner.
hoping against hope that he'll kelian me or what.

well,
he didn't

I wasn't angry or anything at that time.
I felt nothing
[it's times like this when I'm so angry till I bottle up everything inside, without uttering a sound, and seemingly emotionless.
hah! don't be fooled by this mask that I place in front of my face,
for inside of me I am biting my tongue and holding myself from screaming my head off and just fucking scold everybody just for the sake of well, scolding everybody.
so yea,
do not mess with me
AT TIMES LIKE THIS.]



then went to pick my bro.
all was well on the way there,
I made a wrong turn but owh well,
not much damage done to further ruin my mood.

then drive drive drive,
sudenly a fucking Wira rushed out of a junction...

and drove right in front of me blocking me!
what the fuck?
the slow lane was empty leh ma ji bai,
you which eye blind le knot see???
like to block me so much har??
fuck you larh cock head

then block me jiu suan le
still drive so slow
fuck you

almost hit you liao still drive so fucking slow.
I almost honked
but alas,
being the highly educated person that I am, I just don't do such ill mannered things.
I only scold you in my blog for being so stupid and inconsiderate as to block my way when I am already burning angry inside my car.
so once again,
fuck you.

after that, all was peaceful again.
felt like crying though I do not know why.
I held back my tears...


then when I arrived home,
felt like a burden was lifted cos I remembered hearing mum washing the plates just now.
so at least I can just focus on my essay.
then I walked to the kitchen
and saw all the unwashed dishes...



then my tears fell,
like rain drops on my guitar [wtf! haha]
I let out all the anger and disappointment and sadness inside of me
I couldn't hold on much longer...
it was just too much to bear

what am I to this family?
nothing
everyday I go home to plates and glasses scattered on the dining table which is most of the time, dirty.
then I see my bros eyes glued to the computer, playing games
am I nothing but a maid??
a servant?
so there's nothing for me to do, but gather up everything and clean up the place.
sometimes I scold them for leaving empty bottles on the table
and I always get the same answer:
"not me put one lah!"

excuse me,
but if you two didn't leave the glass there,
then who did???
a ghost???
a thief?
like lol?

can you two like take a minute off the computer and be responsible and help me out with the housework??

and my mum,
everyday I hear something like:
"seems like you many days didn't do this do that liao hor!"

what about,
all those times when I did do the chores?
did I get any credit for it?
no, zero, nadai.
no praise, no thank you, no nothing.
you only know how to complain about the things i DIDNT do.

I'm nothing in this house.


how I wish someone can take me up to Canada Hill
so I can just scream till my lungs burst
cry till my eyes run out of tears...
I don't love my life AT ALL
and hopefully, while screaming or shouting or whatever I decide to do up there on the hill,
I'll lose my balance and fall to my death or something.
I am so tired of living
how nice it would be if I just died,
no worries
watching everyone on earth from Heaven.
(hopefully I'll go there)


I bet, if I died, no one would even notice I was gone.
they'd be like,
"eii... seems like someone's missing... but who ah? knot remember lah... aiya never mind sure not important one lah!"

at home ....
bros:
"ehh.. how come all the plate not wash one??"
"why nobody wash the glass har?? I no more glass to use leh!"
"how come no more cold water in the fridge???"
mum:
"hmm... I remember I had a maid helping out in the house lehh @@"
dad:
"hmm.. I remember there's someone who's always going out till late late leh.. how come nowadays everyone so early back one? what happen ah?? where that person went??"


get what I mean?
fuck my life.


and fuck that essay which I still can't be bothered to write.
I hate it
write one essay why need go through so much trouble research this research that,
when in the end you'll get accused of plagiarism cos you copied things off the net.
what the fuck?
I only slept for three hours, three fucking hours of sleep just to rush the essay so I can show it to the teacher.
then I get accused of "not writing any of it".
apparently,
I "copied everything off the net or from some article."

fuck it fuck it fuck it!!
I have no inspiration to write at all.
shoot me and let me die please.