Monday, June 29, 2009

Melo's guide to burglar catching

what would you do,
if one day,
your house is burglar-ed,
with you in it!!!??

would you run?
hide behind the curtains??
beg for mercy?
strip naked and belly dance so that the burglar would go blind right then and there and hence saving your own life?

no idea right?

no worries!!!

because being the generous and kind person that I am,
I shall give you all a brief guide on how to handle these good for nothing scum bag burglars

for those of you who DIDN'T know,
here's how a burglar would most probably look like.

okay larh maybe he won't walk in such a manner,
(apparently this burglar thinks he's a ghost or something ~.~)

note that burglars often wear masks like the one above.
to cover their face lah obviously, (you're not that stupid now are you?)
but most burglars I know (yes I do associate with burglars! HARHAR!) choose not to wear such bright colour-ed clothes. haha

the victim !

innocently doing his homework in his room,
which happens to be NOT locked. !!

*thinks hard*
how to do this question har??

burglar spots victim !!
see he opened his pen knife liao!!
ready to strike liao

but before that....

evil laugh 1st of course

victim hears the sound of laughter so sinister even cinderella's stepmother cannot compete with such evilness
so he turns around


sees a burglar about to pounce on him!!!

the victim screams in horror !!
"who are you what waht what are u doing here in my room???
nononoo.. please do not hurt me!!
take anything you want!!
just don't hurt me !!

take my homework !
I promise I won't tell on you! I'll tell my teacher the dog ate it! "


of course burglars don't need your homework larh !
if they do homework,
then they won't have to be burglars nemore

enough time wasted ,
back to businesss ~

(want money or want your life??)

victim: ......

*light bulb in brain shines!!*
"I have an idea !!!"

no answerr???
fine I'll kill you AND take your money !

when burglar is distracted by the camera sound that came from no where....

victim pulls out his secret weapon !

dirty underwear!!

show the brand lagi.

"that'll show you!!
offer you my homework you dun wan lah!!!
hear eat my wedgiee!!!!

in a matter of

burglar unconscious on the ground,

*no one was hurt during the shooting of this video*

remember to try these steps out when you face a burglar hor!

scenario #2

tired of being burglar-ed ALL THE TIME??
now it's your turn to have revenge
on other innocent people!

now now now
you're probably wondering HOW exactly do you become a burglar,

just get one of these masks (compulsory for every burglar who doesn't want his/her identity to be revealed)

a weapon !

you have no idea who this burglar is right????
must thank whoever invented this mask
ohh such a convenient invention indeed,
useful too.
wonder why Physics or Chemistry or Biology never teach us about this hor.

screw you three subjects !!
thank goodness my great great grandmother's grand grand daughter aka me,
is clever enough and came to know about this tool through other burglar colleagues of hers

victim ...
"%#$*%&#*$%& this homework why so hard arhh!!!
should have stolen that guy's homework larh just now when he offered it to me... !!
make me unconscious now I don't have enough time to finish this homework!!!"

female burglars don't waste time making evil laughs,
they strike immediately.

victim: "whhatttt do you want from me???"
"woahhh put your knife away !!

victim: "eiii?"

burglar: what???

"is there something on my perfectly flawless face??"

victim: " no larh!!!
your hand so rough you know!!
ok larh to be honest with you, I'm also a burglar!
I bet you didn't know, there's actually this new product introduced to the burglar market just recently,"

burglar:" oh really??
what's it for?"

victim turned promoter:" aiyoo..
it's something that makes your skin smoother bah.. !!
so that the victim hor, in this case, me, cannot attack you o what larh,
cause if i try holding on to your hand or any other parts of your body,
too smooth liao so will slip mah!!
get it?"

"scrunch it!!"

now everyone can fly burglar!!

burglar : hmm...
despite the fact that you just said that my hands AREN'T smooth enough,
I'll let you go
in one condition !!
you must give me this product!!!

victim : what???
I waited for so long just for this baby!! you want me to give it to you just like that???

burglar: you want me to kill you then take it is it?
can also ah!

victim: nonononono!!!
sorry boss

kelian hor the victim !

too bad burglars are cold hearted,
we just don't care

burglar: aiyo
kelian you larh!
give you my mask and knife larh,
you go rob someone else then buy yourself a new "scrunch it" OK??

victim: thank you almighty one!!
*bows down*

burglar: wowwww~
can't wait to try out this product !!

anyone can be a burglar,
just make sure you find a dim witted victim who does not have smelly underwears lying around the room



10 said...


MeLo♥ said...

hoii comment wheer got so short one!! lol