Thursday, April 8, 2010

this is me.

*updated 26/12/2011*

i deleted everything. my previous 'about me' post was rubbish anyways. it's all about celebrities whom i have crushes on. and i think i should be over that 'phase' of my life. i'm not getting any younger.

i'm a shopaholic, a day dreamer, an over-thinker, a procrastinator and a panda (all they do is eat and sleep, so yea. oh, pandas are cute too!)

not sure what kind of first impression i give out, but i'm very insecure. when people laugh at my jokes, my brain goes on a trip, trying its best to figure out whether the laugh was sincere, or maybe they were laughing at me, not with me. see, i tend to over think, no matter how hard i try not to, i just can't.

i'm 20, and i've never saved up to RM1000 before. what a shame. i'm just too much of a spender for my own good. too much money spent on food and impulse buys. whenever i overspend, i tell myself why save so much since you never know when you're leaving this world. might as well enjoy as much as you can now.  stupid theory, i know.

i'm a happy-go-lucky person. to be honest, i love the feeling of being in a huge gang of friends. it just lifts the atmosphere? i constantly need to feel like i belong. (refer to #2)  but of course there are times when i need the company of just one friend, more talking can be done that way.

it's not that i'm a hypocrite, my feelings just change too swiftly. one moment, i can be on top of the world happy, and the next, i can feel down in the dumps. when i'm with people, i leave everything behind - all worries, unwanted feelings and whatnot. but when i'm all alone, that's when everything i've tried my best to avoid come rushing back. suddenly everything is wrong, and every song held a sad story. i sink deeper into this hole of unwanted sorrow by browsing through pictures of celebrities i want to meet so badly, listening to their songs, knowing it'll never happen. suddenly all the posts i read are sad, all the pictures i see makes me feel so .. alone. blargh. perhaps this post is the aftermath of such a feeling?

i realize i'm not really keen on getting to know new people. whenever a new person is added into a group, i feel uneasy, as if my ecosystem is unbalanced with the presence of this new person. and a person like me hates change. i want everything to stay the same. but no worries, this feeling goes away after awhile. i don't bite. 

i used to have a thing for guys with huge biceps, but somehow my preference changed? lately, the guys that make my heart skip a beat (simply because of their good looks, nothing more) are fair, have nice eyes, smile and hair. i don't like boys who think they're too cool for everyone. i want them friendly, looking into your eyes while flashing their full smile. *melts*

i have reasons to believe that i'm a pedophile. errrrrrrrr? don't get me wrong, not in a perverted way. it's just that i tend to like guys who are younger than me.

i've always wanted to marry an ang moh, or at least date one. when i see locals married or dating an ang moh, i can't help but feel slightly envious.

i'm not good at sharing my feelings. i don't know how to put them into words, saying them out loud is worse. plus, i've always been a 'if-i-don't-say-it-out-i-can-pretend-these-feelings-don't-exist' kind of person. shoot me.

1 comment:

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