maybe

maybe.. beneath that i-don't-give-a-damn attitude you portray, there's actually a small part of you that cares.
maybe, beneath that emotionless face, there's actually a heart that feels and hurts, just like a normal person does.

maybe, i was filled with so much hate, that i didn't realize how blind i was.

sigh.. i'm so so sorry. i'm always blinded by the less important things. focusing on the bad things that happened instead of being grateful that you're alright.
maybe.. maybe i'm just effing selfish.

i remember the last time we fight. we didn't talk for days. then one night, we both burst out shouting at each other. we said some pretty hurtful stuffs, and both ended up crying. when i saw your tears, i was stunned. i never meant to hurt you the way i did. i never knew you cared. i never knew you'd shed a tear. to me, you were always cool and showed no expression on your face. even when dad was scolding us, i'd always end up crying, but you never cried.

it was... scary, frightening. knowing that i did something so bad to make you cry.
i'm sorry. i guess i'm just not perfect. i will learn to forgive... and eventually, forget. i'm sorry i'm not the sister you'd wish me to be. i'm sorry for hating you, i should have stopped and think how you felt. instead of showing you my i-hate-you-you're-the-reason-we're-in-this-shit face. that must have hurt. i suck. period. please give me time to change and be a better person.

i love you too. :)